The Art of Starting Over

Hayden’s mood matched the dreary weather. It had rained for over twenty-four hours, ruining any weekend plans he’d had with Conor. He’d wanted to show his son Oyster Bay, take him down to all the best fishing holes by the water, and give Conor a chance to acclimate himself to the area before he started school. Conor would be walking to school most days, and he needed to learn the way. Not that he could really get lost. Oyster Bay was the definition of small-town living. By the end of the week, if not already, the people in town would know who Conor was and where he was supposed to be.

Instead, Hayden drove Conor to school, along Main Street, with cars parked along the side of the road, in his oversize truck. He cursed as he turned the corner and barely escaped taking off the side mirrors of a couple of parked cars.

“Maybe you need a smaller truck,” Conor said as Hayden drove at a snail’s pace along the road, slowing even more to allow others to pass by.

A new vehicle wasn’t in the budget, nor was it something he planned on doing, but his son had a point. Hayden would have to see if his father was up for a trip to the “city” for a possible trade-in. A truck was still a necessity, especially with the camper and the need for supplies to build a house.

Hayden pulled into the school’s parking lot, shut the truck off, and stared at Oyster Bay School, or OB, as the locals called it, where he’d spent his entire youth. The K–12 building had grown over the years as the population increased but was still small.

“Maybe you want to try homeschooling me?” Conor asked.

“You’ll like it here,” Hayden said as he looked at his son. “People will like you, and you’ll make some great friends. Don’t forget, baseball sign-ups are coming up.”

“Yeah.”

“When I played, we were good.”

“Back in the olden days?”

Hayden smiled and chuckled. “Come on, sport.”

Conor walked two steps ahead of his dad and kept his eyes trained on the ground. Hayden felt for his son. He’d been through so much in the past six months; adding a new school to the mix was yet another stressor for the boy. Still, Hayden stood by his decision to move back to Rhode Island. He needed his mother’s help—not only with Conor but with himself. Being among family was what they needed.

“Hayden McKenna, is that you?”

The stout woman in front of him caught him off guard. It took him a moment to recall her name. “Mrs. Pierson?”

“Of course. Who else would I be?” she said with a laugh.

Hayden couldn’t believe the school receptionist he had back in the “olden days,” according to Conor, was still the receptionist now. He figured she would’ve retired ages ago.

“Now this must be Conor. I’m Mrs. Pierson. I’ve known your dad since he was in diapers.” That was a slight exaggeration, or at least Hayden thought it was.

Conor looked at his dad and grinned brightly. A lot of times over the next few weeks, someone in town would say something like this to Conor about Hayden. But this one would stick with Conor for a long time, and he’d never let his father live it down.

“Hi, Mrs. Pierson,” Conor said after Hayden gave him the eye.

“Follow me into the office.”

Hayden held the door open. She passed through, followed by Conor. As soon as the door slammed shut, Hayden’s heart lurched at the sound, reminding him of the one too many times he’d spent in there, sitting on the hard wooden chairs, waiting for the principal to call him back to the office for something he likely did but would deny until the cows came home.

Mrs. Pierson walked around the tall counter, which she was barely tall enough to rest her elbows on. “Let’s see, I have your schedule right here,” she said as she handed it to Conor. “You’ll spend most of your day with Mr. Raze, but sometimes you’ll go to other classrooms. That’ll all depend on your testing.”

Conor groaned. “Testing?”

“You’ll be fine, bud. The school needs to see where you are intellectually with your peers,” Hayden said, and then he looked at the receptionist. “Testing won’t be all day, right? I really want Conor to have a chance to get to know his teachers and his classmates.”

“Nope, one hour a day for the week. We have another new student, so he won’t be alone.”

“Perfect.” Hayden set his hand on Conor’s shoulder. “Want me to walk you to Mr. Raze’s class?”

“Do you know him?”

Hayden hesitated and then shook his head. “No, but I believe I had his dad as my math teacher.”

Conor rolled his eyes. “I really hope you were a good student.”

Hayden laughed, as did Mrs. Pierson. All his antics would need to remain under wraps. He didn’t need his son learning about the things he did in elementary school. Or junior high. Or high school, for that matter.

Mrs. Pierson handed Conor a map of the school, then gave a stack to Hayden. “You have homework, Hayden,” she said with a hint of laughter. “And you: Mr. Raze is waiting.” She gave him directions and then shooed them out of the office.

“You sure you don’t want me to walk you to class?”

“I’m not a baby.”

“Making sure you find your way doesn’t make you a baby.”

Conor stared down the hall and sighed. “I’ll be fine. See you after school?”

“Yep. If the rain stops, we’ll walk so you’ll know how to get back to Grandma and Grandpa’s.” Hayden waited for Conor to acknowledge him. When he didn’t, he sighed. “I love you, sport. This will be good for us. I promise.”

“Yeah, bye, Dad.”

Hayden watched as Conor walked down the hall, looked at the map, and turned around. He was tempted to sneak down the hall but didn’t want Conor to spot him. He had to let Conor grow up.

With his head down, Hayden pushed the metal door open and stepped out. He barely had time to stop himself from bumping into the woman hiding under the awning from the current downpour.

“Shit, sorr—” He paused and took her in. Hayden wasn’t great at recognizing people from the past, but this face he knew, without a doubt.

Devorah Crowley, the one he’d crushed on, loved even, through his formative years and the one he’d lost the day Chad Campbell weaseled his way into her life. She was still as beautiful as the day he last saw her. He’d come home from college to see her, only to find her smiling and happy with someone else. He’d missed his opportunity, again.

But it was the first time he ever kissed her that flashed in his mind on this dreary morning.

“What are you doing here?” Colt groaned when his sister walked into the basement of Sheldon Gene’s house. Hayden smiled, though, because Devorah Crowley was one smoking chick, and he had the hots for her. He didn’t even care that she was two years younger than him. Although, if he ever told any of his friends, especially Colt, they’d tease him. She didn’t act like the other girls in her grade and was way more mature than her brother. Sleepovers with her brother were some of Hayden’s favorite things to do on the weekends. Being one room away from her was a definite bonus. Plus, she liked to watch movies with them and always sat next to Hayden. The best part was when she’d get a blanket, and it would somehow end up covering him too. Then his hand could touch her leg, and no one but them would know.

“It’s not your party, Colt. Laila and I can come if we want.”

“Crow is going to bust your butt if he catches you.”

“Well then, it’s a good thing you’re not telling because he’ll bust yours too!”

She stuck her tongue out at her brother, and Hayden coughed to hide his laughter.

“It’s time to play ‘seven minutes in heaven,’” Sheldon yelled. There was a collective groan among the partygoers, who were mostly classmates at Oyster Bay but also included a handful of those who were excited. Seven minutes to make out with your boyfriend or girlfriend, without getting caught by your parents or teachers, was a nice reprieve. Or at least Hayden thought it would be if he’d had a girlfriend.

Everyone sat in a circle, boy / girl / boy / girl. Each drew a piece of paper from Sheldon’s hat, which was sort of gross because Sheldon wasn’t the type who washed his hair very often.

“Who has number one?”

Some girl Hayden didn’t know raised her hand and spun the bottle. It rotated a couple of times before stopping in front of a guy a few over from him. Hayden glanced at Devorah. She stared back, and Hayden really hoped the bottle would land on her when he spun or vice versa. He had wanted to kiss her for a while now, but there was no way he’d ever make a move. Not with Colt being his best friend.

With each new spin of the bottle, Hayden held his breath. He felt like he had a hundred needles jabbing into his skin, mocking him that he could end up with someone he didn’t like or didn’t even know. Which was the point of the game. But he only wanted to go into the closet with one person.

When Devy raised her hand indicating that she was next, Hayden couldn’t take his eyes off her as she leaned forward to spin, and then his eyes watched every revolution the bottle took. He’d never prayed so hard to be chosen.

His lungs seized as the opening of the bottle pointed toward him. If he had any words, they failed instantly. So had any rational thoughts, until he heard Colt.

“Dude, this is sick,” Colt hollered over the music and the snickers of the others in the circle. “She’s my sister.”noveldrama

Hayden looked at the bottle, and sure enough, the seven minutes in heaven gods were watching out for him.

He smirked. He couldn’t help it but added the classic eye roll to let Colt know it bothered him to have to go in the closet with his sister. “Don’t worry. We’ll just talk.”

“You better, or I’ll kick your ass.”

Devorah stood and came toward Hayden, grinning from ear to ear. He followed her to the closet, where Sheldon stood with his stopwatch poised and ready to track those precious seven minutes. He opened the door, told them to keep their clothes on, and then closed it.

The space was dark, but nothing was hanging from the bar, from what Hayden could feel.

“So, we just stand here until Sheldon opens the door?”

“No.” Hayden kept his voice low and tried to add a hint of seductiveness, although he wasn’t sure he’d done it right. “I want to kiss you.”

“What about Colt?”

“He’s not in here.”

Hayden’s heart picked up the pace as he thought about kissing Devorah. He’d seen enough TV to know where his hand should go and what his mouth should do, but knowing and doing were vastly different things in the minds of teenagers.

He cupped her face and leaned in. At first, he kissed the side of her lips and got more of her cheek than anything.

Awkward!

He tried again, and this time their lips pressed together. Another try, and he held his lips to hers for longer.

“Can I try with tongue?” he asked.

“I’ve never done that,” she said.

“Me neither.”

“You won’t tell Colt?” she asked.

“Never.”

“Okay.”

Hayden kissed her again, but this time he had more confidence and slipped his tongue into her mouth. When his touched hers, an explosion of terror, anxiety, thrills, and happiness rushed through his body. Devorah tilted her head up slightly and pushed her tongue a bit deeper into Hayden’s mouth. He moved his head to the other side, just like he’d seen numerous times while watching soap operas with his mother, and then back.

“We should stop,” she said, pulling away and resting her forehead against his.

“I know, but I don’t want to. That was, wow!”

“Maybe we can do it again.”

“When?” He knew he sounded eager. He was, and he had no idea how to control what he felt. His heart raced, and his skin felt as if it were on fire.

“Are you spending the night?”

From that night until he left for college, they made out every chance they could, but he never had the courage to tell Colt he wanted to date his sister. He regretted never saying something.

Now, Hayden stared at Devorah as his mind fumbled for something to say. The first thing that came to his mind was to ask how she was doing, but he could see that, just by looking at her, she was not well. He took her in. The long dark hair he remembered from years ago was still as beautiful as ever. Her striking brown eyes, the ones that had kept him mesmerized for years, were bloodshot and sitting on top of bags that looked bruised.

“What’s wrong?” he asked before he could stop the words from coming out. He should’ve started with “hi” or a compliment. “What can I do to help?”

She blanched and looked away. He fought the urge to turn her chin toward him so he could wipe away the tears rolling over her cheeks. Someone had hurt her.

Who?

Her husband?

Rage boiled in his belly. The last he knew, she’d married Chad Campbell, the biggest piece of shit Oyster Bay had ever encountered. He was an outsider looking in. Not someone from OB, Rhode Island, or even New England. He thought he could come to town and rule the roost. Most of the guys in high school hated the kid, but the girls seemed to fawn over him. Probably because he was a shiny new toy.

Hayden reached for her hand and felt his own hand warm. “Devorah,” he said softly. Her name had always been one of his favorites. It was unique and often mispronounced. Anyone who didn’t know her and saw her name would say “De-vor-ah,” when it was pronounced “Dev-ra.” Her name matched her.

Devorah smiled sadly and took her hand from his. He refused to let the rejection sting. “Hi, Hayden. Fancy meeting you here.” She looked back at the school and sighed.

“Yeah, I could say the same. What are you doing here?”

She shrugged. “Oh, you know.”

He didn’t. He wanted to, though.

“Do you need a ride?” He motioned toward the parking lot.

“I think I’m okay,” she said as she leaned forward and looked toward the sky.

“It’s not supposed to stop for a couple of hours.” He could wait, and then it would be time to pick Conor up, which would probably ease the anxiety Hayden felt about his son starting at a new school today. “I’m going to run over to my truck. I’ll drive up. If you want a ride, you’ll get in. If not . . .” Hayden shrugged and took off sprinting toward his truck. He dodged puddles and kept his head down to avoid getting pelted in the face with rain. Inside his cab, he turned on the truck, blasted the heat, and turned the wipers on.

He did as he’d said and pulled up to where Devorah stood. Hayden leaned over the seat, opened the door, and waited. Between the sound of the truck and the rain, he didn’t even try to yell because she wouldn’t have been able to hear him.

It took her a handful of seconds before she darted for the truck, hopped in, and pulled the door shut. “Thank you.”

“It’s the least I could do,” he said as he put the truck into drive. “I wouldn’t want you to melt.” When he was one of those annoying prepubescent boys, he did what any normal tween did—cracked jokes about her to get her attention. When she finally gave him the attention he wanted, he was afraid her brother would never approve, which meant Hayden was never truly himself with Devy. By the time he graduated from high school, he was in love with her, and he was certain she loved him right back. When Hayden finally found the courage to come clean about his feelings, he was a bit too late. A trip home from college changed everything. In a way, Devorah had broken his heart, and he’d never truly gotten over it.

“Funny.”

“Yeah, that’s me, the funny guy.”

“Who are you staring at?” Colt elbowed Hayden in the bicep. He was thankful his friend didn’t see him flinch or Colt would’ve razzed him relentlessly for being soft. Hayden was far from weak, but an elbow to the tender part of his arm was never fun.

Hayden cleared his throat and shook his head for good measure. “Uh, no one.”

Except she was someone. She was his best friend’s sister, and completely off limits.

Hayden couldn’t pinpoint what had changed in him, but for the past two or three weeks, Devorah Crowley had been living rent-free in his mind. His infatuation had started when Hayden spent the night at her house . . . well, stayed with her brother, and they’d run into each other in the bathroom.

She’d smiled at Hayden. It wasn’t one of those “Hey, how’s it going?” types of smiles. It was flirtatious, with fluttering eyelashes and a soft, sexy voice as she said “Excuse me” and tilted her head. But it was when she bit her lower lip and pulled her long braid over her shoulder that Hayden felt a stirring. He wanted to follow her into her room but froze.

What would he even do in there?

Hayden cleared his thoughts and brought himself back to the here and now.

The cafeteria was busy and noisy, with students and teachers moving in all directions. Devorah sat next to Laila Dixon. They were best friends, and Laila was often at the Crowleys’ when Hayden was there. Sometimes the four of them hung out, but Colt hated spending time with his sister and her annoying friend.

Hayden definitely didn’t mind.

After a few minutes, Devorah grabbed her things, waved, and left the cafeteria. Hayden did the same, telling Colt he needed to go to the nurse. The boys were always going to the nurse with some stomach bug because she was young and very pretty.

He made his way over to Laila, hoping Colt wasn’t watching.

“Hey, Laila.”

Her eyes sparkled when he said her name. “Hi, Hayden.”

He sat next to her, and she tried to flutter her eyelashes, but she didn’t do it as sexily as Devorah had. But maybe he was biased. Laila was pretty, but she wasn’t Dev.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes,” she said excitedly.

“Does Devorah like me?”

Laila’s face fell, and Hayden regretted the way he’d approached her with his question. But he had to know, and there was only one person who could tell him.

“I’ll ask,” she said pointedly and went back to chatting with the others at the table, making Hayden feel like an intruder.

Hayden had no choice but to get up and leave. He headed to his locker. From there, he could see Devorah’s. He’d lost count over the past couple of weeks of how many times he’d stood there, watching her throw her head back in laughter, wishing he’d been the one to elicit that response from her. He hoped she was there because then maybe he could smile at her, and she’d want to talk.

Before the bell rang to send everyone back to class, Laila came toward Hayden. She sauntered over and had a look on her face like she had juicy gossip to share. His heart rate spiked. The anticipation of finding out was enough to actually send him to see the nurse.

“Hey,” he said as casually as possible.

“She thinks you’re a funny guy.”

“Funny?”

Laila shrugged. “Yep.” She walked away, leaving Hayden speechless. He waited for her to turn around and come back with more information, but she continued down the hall without another word or a glance over her shoulder.

“I’m funny?”

A hand slapped down on his shoulder, jolting him. “A laugh a minute,” Colt said as he grabbed his book from their shared locker.

“Funny?” he mumbled to himself in disbelief. He closed the metal door and followed Colt down the hall, shaking his head. What had he done to make her laugh?

Hayden smiled at the memory of when he thought he’d test the waters and ask Laila if Devorah liked him.

Hayden drove. He headed out of town, passed her father’s house, and continued past the boutiques, banks, and other businesses. She said nothing. He pulled into the parking lot of the pier and parked at the water’s edge. The only people who would be able to see them would be anyone who parked next to him. Leaning over, he opened the glove box, pulled out a box of tissues, and handed it to her.

Devorah coughed out a sob and took the box from Hayden. He tried not to watch her, to keep his eyes forward. If it hadn’t been raining, fishing boats would’ve been coming and going. They would at least give him something to watch.

Except, he wanted to keep his eyes on her. It was clear that Chad or whoever it was had hurt her. Hayden didn’t know how or why, or even who. But someone had.

“How long are you in town for?” he asked.

“I don’t know. If Crow has anything to say about it, not long.”

Hayden chuckled. Every kid in town was afraid of Colt and Devorah’s father. With a nickname like “Crow,” it was hard for them not to be. He saw and heard everything and held a grudge like there was no tomorrow. Once you were on his bad side, you’d never make it to the good one.

“Where do you live these days?”

“Chicago,” she said quietly.

Hayden nodded. “Never thought about visiting there.”

Devorah fiddled with the tissue in her hands. “Do you not know why I’m here?”

“Nope,” he said. “I arrived in town a few days ago. I haven’t even seen your brother yet.”

“He cheated.”

He knew it. She didn’t have to specify who she was talking about.

“Chad?”

She nodded. “With my best friend.”

Stupid fucker.

“I found out because she posted a video about it on one of those popular vlogging apps.” Devorah looked out the window. “I was getting a pedicure and thought I’d pass the time by watching some funny videos, and there she was, confessing it all.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m thinking, ‘There’s no way my best friend is having an affair with my husband.’ I mean, Chad and I don’t fight, and I think we have a really great marriage. Besides, she’s my best friend, and her daughter and my daughter are best friends. We’re close. We vacation together. There’s no way. Except when I drive over to Chad’s work, he’s not there and he’s not answering his work or cell phone. The only logical thing is to drive over to her house and . . .” She inhaled deeply. “I guess I don’t know what I thought I would find.”

Hayden didn’t ask for details. The fact she was telling him and reliving all this was enough. Devorah could’ve left it at “He cheated,” and that would’ve been enough for him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

“How old is your daughter?”

“She’s nine.”

“Does she go to OB?”

“First day,” she said.

Hayden smiled. “My son, Conor, started today. He’s nine as well.”

For the first time since she climbed into his truck, Devorah turned and looked at him. She didn’t smile. There wasn’t any light in her eyes. Hayden fought the urge to rub his thumb under her eyes.

“Your wife is probably wondering where you are.”

Hayden shook his head slightly. “She passed away six months ago.”